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Self-compassion may not be the first thing you consider when going through a challenging career transition – especially in mid-career. Typically, you try to steel yourself against the negativity and possible discouragement you feel in the face of uncertainty. You try to keep a stiff upper lip and do your best to get through rejection, ghosting, and applying for jobs that aren’t necessarily the best fit. If your job search is taking longer than you had hoped, you may also feel like the world is moving on and you’re increasingly being left behind.

Ageism adds to the problem. The unfairness of unfounded bias is infuriating and exasperating. How ironic that just at the time in your career when you’re at the top of your game, your experience could be so undervalued and disregarded.

From such a defensive perspective, self-compassion may seem idealistic but impractical to rely on in the face of such discouraging headwinds. Nevertheless, it is a powerful way to feel like you are taking back control of your job search and future career.

As many of you know, I’m a big fan of Viktor Frankl, the author of Man’s Search for Meaning, who believed that even in the face of terrible adversity, we have the power to choose our attitude toward the world around us.

Understanding and Accepting the Value of Uncomfortable Experiences

Careers today are more volatile than ever. As someone who’s been fired a lot over the course of my career, I can tell you that the feelings of loss and rejection are never easy. However, it is possible to accept the uncertainty without personalizing it. Even if your job loss was traumatic, these are changeable times when career instability is the norm. Remember that you are by no means alone in this process.

Self-compassion is a practice that shifts your focus from worrying about what’s going on on the outside to rebuilding and nurturing what’s going on on the inside.

Self-compassion means being kind to yourself. It is recognizing that you are worthy of and deserve love and support no matter what.

We are all human beings struggling one way or another to find our path through this life. For every cold shoulder you encounter in the world, there will also be a welcoming embrace somewhere around you (often from a surprising source).

Be mindful of what you’re going through. You are not your emotions. Observe what you’re feeling and experiencing. Before you act, reflect. Take a step outside yourself to examine your thoughts and feelings about what you’re experiencing. Know that you always have a choice regarding how you will respond in any situation.

Avoiding Negative Self-Talk

When the world seems to be going against you, it’s easy to blame yourself. Don’t play the “could/shoulda/woulda” game where you go down a rabbit hole of hypotheticals that would have changed your reality. Agonizing over the past isn’t going to correct it.

Counter the negative messages by writing down some positive reminders. Use these positive affirmations to remind yourself how competent, hireable, productive, and professional you are. Print them out to carry around with you, and read them a few times daily.

Developing Self-Compassion Habits to Build Self-Accountability

In the face of uncertainty, it is super helpful to create structure. If you’re not going to work or getting on the morning video calls, you can feel isolated and cut off. Block time on your calendar (yes, actually set appointments with yourself) to get things done. This applies to your personal chores and your job search strategy.

Establish concrete, attainable daily or weekly goals and targets you want to achieve. Be reasonable and realistic. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment by being too ambitious. Ease into it and build confidence and accountability slowly.

Engage friends or colleagues as partners to help you stay on track. Work with a coach (always a great idea!) to learn and practice job search skills, revise your profile, and evaluate opportunities. You don’t have to do this alone!

Diminishing Distractions: Focusing on What Matters Most

It’s tough to stay centered and focused when there are so many distractions around us. Of course, it’s easy to get pulled into social media. But there are plenty of other temptations, whether it’s news, online shopping, your email inbox, unfinished projects around the house, or friends and family who need to talk to you.

Engage with distractions before they overwhelm you (and cause you to criticize yourself for succumbing to them…).

Conduct a digital detox of your phone apps that tempt you. This could include news, video, shopping, or other social media. If you don’t want to remove them, use apps that limit them to certain hours of the day or limit the time you spend on them.

Set boundaries around your time and let people know when you are and are not available. This is another excellent way to use calendar blocking. Try scheduling personal conversations for the end of the day after your work priorities are complete.

Batch repetitive tasks together instead of spreading them out over the day. Email is the prime example of this. Check email maybe once (if you can do it) or twice a day. Do all your correspondence in one sitting instead of constantly checking your inbox and pulling away from other tasks to answer an email here or an email there…

Adopting an Attitude of Gratitude

Gratitude can be challenging to find inside yourself when what’s going on in your life can be so uncertain. And yet, it is one of the most powerful self-compassion antidotes to the negativity and downward spiral you can experience around recovering from job loss.

Journaling is my favorite practice for finding that well of gratitude that is present inside you. Don’t make your journal into a big production. But journal every day, even if it’s for ten minutes. The consistency will pay off.

In addition to building your self-accountability (it’s another way you’re showing up for yourself), your journal is the most dependable and private place to have an honest conversation with yourself.

Process through all the challenges, obstacles, rejections, slights, and bad luck you encounter. Ask critical questions: What did I learn from this experience? Is there a limiting belief here that I want to change or reframe? How can I view this experience in a different light? Who can I reach out to for support or insight on this question? Have I been here before, and what can I do differently next time?

As you engage in this dialogue with yourself, come up with answers, and make decisions,  you’ll most likely find that voice that says: “It’s all OK. You’re going to get through it.” Stop and listen for more of what that voice has to say – or the feelings that will emanate from it.

How amazing to realize that you are not alone in there. And that’s something to be grateful for.

Taking Action Toward Self-Compassion and Resilience

Acting with self-compassion establishes a counterbalance to the uncomfortable experiences you are experiencing as you navigate your job search and career transition. Instead of being buffeted by events (most of which are outside your control) and other people (ditto), your self-compassion practice brings you back to your center and reconfirms your self-worth.

It may take time and effort. You may feel a little foolish or uncomfortable repeating your affirmations or writing in your journal. But this is how to build the momentum necessary to restore your confidence.

Make a list of the practices I outlined in the article, and add your own from other experiences, articles, or research. Pick one and put it to work. Once you’ve established it, add another. And another.

The bottom line is that no matter who else shows you support and compassion, you won’t believe them or accept their gesture without you first accepting it from yourself.